family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Mom: Why did you lock the door?

June 30, 2017

Mom: Why did you lock the door?

Me: I don’t want to get raped.

Mom: Nobody can handle your bum.

… 😳

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family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Mom’s thoughts on the smell of my hair…

June 21, 2017

Mom: Your hair does not smell good. It smells like trees.

Me: Maybe it is making oxygen.

family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Paninis vs Penises

June 18, 2017

Mom: Ann Marie likes penises. Aye, paninis.
family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Eat the fruit…

June 17, 2017

Mom: Ann, I thought you were going to eat the fruit.
 
Me: What are you talking about?
 
First, you tell me that there are fruits. I say, “Thank you, but I don’t know if I want any.”
 
Then, you pull them out of the fridge. I say, “That’s beautiful, but I don’t think I want any.”
 
AND NOW, you chastise me for not eating them?
 
Ronnie *laughing*: Post it. Post it!
family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Mom guilt tripping me…

June 15, 2017

Mom: I told her she could puree the soup, but I come home and do it for her anyway.
 
Me: Stop trying to guilt trip me. That doesn’t motivate me. That just makes me want to bite you.
 
Mom: You are not Ellie.
 
… (Ellie is my 1 year-old niece).
family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Mom: You don’t like big?

June 10, 2017

Mom and I as she is changing pillows…

Mom: You don’t like big?

Me: No, I don’t.

Also me: Hehehehe 😏

Mom (does not even phase her): Here, you can have two small ones then.

… lesson of the day: two small pillows are better than one large one.