family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Mom on her day off after baking cookies…

October 26, 2016

Mom on her day off after baking cookies, doing the laundry, and her regular daily tearing-of-the-house-apart-cleaning…

Mom: I’m so tired. I’m going to rest mopping the floor now

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family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Mom as she is combing her hair…

October 26, 2016

Mom: Look! My hair is salt, pepper, and gravy.

Me: Gravy? Last time it was cinnamon.

Mom: Oh shoot. Now it’s sage.

Me: Sage? Because you are a wise woman?

Mom: No, because that was the colour it was when I put it in the turkey.

… 😳 😂

family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Mom after one cooler…

Me: What happened?

Ronnie: Your mom warmed up the rice for two and a half minutes, but it was empty. The rice was sitting on top of the microwave.

Mom *looking as if she is contemplating the possibility that she is going senile*: … You did this didn’t you Ronnie! You’re playing a trick on me!

Ronnie: I swear I didn’t do it!

Mom: No! I know you did!

Me: It was me. I moved the rice so I could warm up my soup. It’s not my fault you guys use the microwave as extra storage space.

#youknowyouliveinafilipinofamilywhen…

family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

While I relentlessly power out stories for Houston Today’s next edition…

October 19, 2016

Me: I’m amazing! *type type type*

Mom: I’m glad you find yourself amazing, and amusing.

Me: Riiiiight? I’m amazing and amusing. *type type type*

Mom: that’s right. You deserve a big pandasal like a va-jay-jay.

… *stops typing*  Me: I must be going deaf.

family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Mom: I really like your hair like that…

October 18, 2016

Mom: I really like your hair like that.

Me: Really?

Mom: I still like it better up, that’s my favourite. But it looks really nice down too.

Me: Awh, I love you.

*Mom has never had a problem telling me that she doesn’t like my hair. (She has said it often) And of all the eccentric hairstyles I’ve had, having dreads again with the bottom half of the back of my head shaved I was feeling quite insecure about, because I can’t tell if my hair sits nicely.

But now I know I can rock this awkward length, because my mom always tells the truth, even when you don’t want to hear it. 😎 ❤️ 👩‍👧

family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Me: So mom, 24 years ago I came out of you like a fleshy little cannon ball eh?

September 8, 2016

Me: So mom, 24 years ago I came out of you like a fleshy little cannon ball eh?

Mom: Oh ya. I don’t like that nurse. She held you to my breast and said, “Suck little monkey, suck.”

… bonding through birth memories.

family bonding time, i get it from my mama, My Mother is My Roommate

Mom: I chop, chop, chop it.

Septemeber 3, 2016

Mom: I chop, chop, chop it. He didn’t return my calls, so I chop, chop, chop it.

Me: …what are you talking about?

Mom: The chandelier. See? It’s much better now.

*Disclaimer: No dicks were amputated or harmed in the chopping down of the chandelier.