June 15, 2017
June 10, 2017
Mom and I as she is changing pillows…
Mom: You don’t like big?
Me: No, I don’t.
Also me: Hehehehe 😏
Mom (does not even phase her): Here, you can have two small ones then.
… lesson of the day: two small pillows are better than one large one.
June 4, 2017
Me: Ah! What is that?
Mom: Does it sound scary?
Me: Ya, I’m afraid something is going to pop out of the screen. What is it?
Mom: That’s you snoring.
… well played mom. Well played.
June 2, 2017
Mom: You know what? You don’t snore when the fan is going.
Me: That’s strange.
Mom: I tested it. I’ll keep the fan on tonight so I don’t have to listen to you.
Me: Says the woman who talks in her sleeps and says, “Go away, Devil. Go away.”
May 7, 2017
Mom: How can you be rich and still owe the bank money?
Me: How can you be rich and still have a bad credit rating? Ohhhhhh…
Mom: Oh, snap. Snap, snap. Snap, snap, snap.
May 7, 2017
Mom: I think your muscles are sharp. Not strong, just sharp.
Me: Ya, I’m hulk. And it’s because of all the Nutella I have been eating. The tits just be like, “BOOM! We here.”
April 30, 2017
Mom: You sell penises?!
Everyone else: PANINIS mom!
… congrats Rascal on your new job. ❤️
May 10, 2017
Mom: Annie, I think you can’t find a man because they find you intimidating.
Me: Should I be less intimidating?
Mom: Ha! No, you don’t want a man like that.
May 11, 2017
Me: Mama, look at my new glasses! I’m like Cleopatra, but less gold and more knots. And I don’t look like an owl. I ain’t no hooooter. Ow! Ahhhh. Mama, did you see that? I had my glasses on and I still walked into the table.